A Glance Back: Pain Scale

On January 1, 2007, I was in the bed with two pillows under my left ankle. My ankle throbbed. I will try to put into words the pain level. First, a little history of my pain threshold. When I was younger my dad would ask me give me "pain scale". Zero would be no pain and ten would be extreme pain. I remember my dad would talk to me about the pain scale when I was in the process of getting a shot, for example. By the time the shot was done, I was able to recover faster. I guess focusing on something else like a number was better than what was actually happening. This was introduced to me after I struggled with my doctor's appointment as a young innocent child. The struggle: I had to have my finger pricked. I don't know why. I just knew I wasn't going to open my hand for anything. Three nurses had to pry my hand open. My mom was sad. I didn't get a Snoopy band aid but a plain, very plain band aid. My mom tried to explain to me it would be easier if I would relax. I remember my dad taking me to future doctor appointments that pain was going to involved. As I became older, I learned to replace pain with something else. For example, in the sixth grade I had an accident. I was at a birthday party and we decided to form a line by holding hands and skating in a big circle. I was the last person. I had no idea I would be going so fast. I let go and the hand I was holding and fell soon after on my wrist. I was taken to the day hospital and an x-ray was taken. I said I was okay. My mom picked me up a few days after the injury and said the doctor looked at the x-ray again and my wrist was fractured. I had to have some type of retention for six to eight weeks for healing to occur. I do know now everything did happen for a reason. I had to experience my pain threshold as a child and was taught how to deal with the emotions of pain. The moment I broke my ankle, I knew I would have to deal with pain. I never imagined this pain would take my breath away or cause me not to be able to speak. I never knew the pain would be the only thing my mind would think about. I never realized my heart beat could be in my ankle at all times. This was a challenge I couldn't handle on my own. This was pain I had to give to God and ask for help. The pain wasn't taken away but lessened because I was given a path through the pain. I was taught more than I can begin to write about. The answer for me after I tried on my own to handle was God. My pain scale was a 12. Also, I do know the people who helped through this experience are folded within my heart.

A Glance Back: A Nut Shell

I will start at the beginning where my life as I knew was totally changed within a heartbeat. Yes, I've had many moments my life changed. The moment I'm going to be talking about changed and challenged every part of mind, body and soul. My mind was filled with emotions of denial, anger, sadness, and eventually accepting my new life. My body let me down I thought. I thought I could never trust my body again to get me to anywhere. I questioned God and why me.
The beginning starts with my lovely poodle Chase. Chase was very demanding with wanting all my attention. I know I didn't help because he was my baby starting at 6 weeks old. I would carry him around with me everywhere. I would carry him my purse when he was a puppy (everywhere even church). He was a very well behaved dog. I would say "Chase, go to time-out" and he would go (under our bed) and stay there until I called him. He was extremely emotionally connected to me. For example, he would cry if I would. Yes, I could see the the tears. I love this picture of him with our family dog Buddy. This shows how emotionally attached Chase could be with an English Bulldog. My dad told me he came home one day and found Chase in Buddy's kenal sleeping with Buddy! They were best friends.
Chase changed when I became pregnant. He knew before I did that I was pregnant. He didn't want me to hold him(very usual) and he started going to the bathroom in the house. I remember the moment I found out I was pregnant. My first thoughts were-I can't believe Chase knew I was pregnant before I did. He never recovered from heartbreak of me carrying someone(even before birth) besides him. I tried for months to get Chase to get used to me being pregnant. It was a failure. I tried to keep telling myself he would get better and be the Chase I used to know, but he just became worse. We had to start keeping him outside all the time. We finally had to give him a new home after baby Cooper was only a few months old. The stress of the baby finally being born and Chase knowing he wasn't the only one was too much. He has a good home with a female family member who isn't married. I have heard he's back to the Chase I knew before I was pregnant.
The day that changed my life forever was on December 31, 2006. I was attending Chris grandmother's "welcome home for awhile party".
We took Chase with us to let him play with Chris parents dog "Winnie" (golden retriever).
Chase was outside in the backyard and ran in when the door opened. He started jumping on everyone(not someone he would ever do before I was pregnant). There was one person I remember who had a cane that almost fell over because of Chase. I immediately picked Chase up the first chance I could get to him. I walked out the front door. The front door was the closest exit for him. He was struggling to get out of my arms because he could not take being that close to my stomach. I walked down the front porch stairs to take him around to the backyard. I thought I was on my last step. Yes, I missed the last step. I remember the seconds I knew I was going to fall I thought about the baby. I was going to fall and I knew I couldn't land on my stomach. I fell hard and I fell fast. I fell so my stomach wouldn't have any impact from the fall. My left ankle took the fall on my entire body. I remember laying on the crowd and saying, "Dorothy you can get up." I tried but this was a mistake. I knew I did something major to my left ankle. I remember Chris coming outside and carrying me to the truck.
Patti (aunt) drove us and helped me into the emergency room in Winnsboro. I could feel my stomach feeling becoming tight and knew this could be signs of premature labor. My due date wasn't until February 20, 2007. I knew this would too early for Cooper to be born. I remember praying for comfort and to help me relax. The baby's heartbeat couldn't be taken properly because the emergency room wasn't designed for prenatal. I didn't stay very long in this emergency room. I was taken by ambulance to Palmetto Health Richland. The ride was the most uncomfortable ride. I could feel every bump in the road. A monitor was placed on my stomach to moniotor the baby's heartbeat. The heartbeat was normal. I was told I would have to have surgery. I had my ankle placed my in- line (very painful) and the swelling had to lessen before surgery. Since I was pregnant, the surgery was planned with extra people to monitor the baby and be ready for anything that could happen. I couldn't be put to sleep to have the surgery. Pregnancy didn't allow this option. I would have to have an epidural. The night I came home after falling and breaking my ankle, it was a new year.

Getting Started

I have to say first my life is full of amazing grace! There's never a dull moment and I'm very blessed to be where I am and blessed to have who I have in my life. I wouldn't change anything. Otherwise, I wouldn't be who I am at this moment. I am a person who has experienced more than I thought I would ever. Part of me has experienced pain beyond description and have experienced rock bottom. The other half of me has experienced instant love and instant blessings. This is my life...as a wife, mother, sister and daughter.